Becoming The Best Me

Being Kickass is really about being the best version of myself that I can be. This is a big, broad, sweeping statement that makes me sound kind of cliche. The truth is, all I want in life is to be . . . me. Ideal me works in a creative field were my schedule is flexible and just being myself is resume enough. In this perfect world I influence people and have an extensive group of friends who are from all walks of life. Ideal me shops at the market in the morning, works a couple of hours in the afternoon, meets friends for coffee, and then heads back home to make dinner for family with the food that I grew in my own garden. I know that this lifestyle does exist. I know that it isn't all butterflies and unicorns. Here is the question. How? I am not sure.

Right now I spend an ungodly amount of time waffling. It starts in the morning with, "I am going to be a Graphic Designer". At lunch I am not so sure Graphic Design offers the kind of flexibility I am looking for, maybe I should focus on being a writer. By dinner I am thinking,"Well sure everybody wants to be a writer, but is that realistic?". Then I decide I should go back to school and get a "real job". No more than five minutes later I am repulsed by that idea. By the end of the night I haven't actually made any progress but instead given myself a headache.

I just need to DO! Stop thinking so damn much and do something, anything. That is what this blog is about being someone who does. So here we are I am 13,500 words into a novel. I spend hours a week looking for Graphic Design jobs. I work nearly full time. And then I am still trying to stay on top of my weight loss goals. I feel a little like I am running at full speed on a treadmill. Sure I am exhausted but I haven't moved forward an inch.

I have made some strides. Thomas and I did move to Seattle as promised. I am down 25 lbs. and still losing, slowly, but none the less. I feel like there are more opportunities here which is reassuring but I want some promise that everything will be ok.

What will I do? More of everything. When I want to paint I will paint. When I want to write I will write. I will be successful come hell or high water.